GROTON, Conn. – Earlier this morning, students noticed a change within the school, specifically regarding the Securly pass program launched earlier this school year, as it began to wreak havoc with students’ time outside of class before taking over PowerSchool. 

The Securly Pass program seemed to be attacking each individual personally, and the teachers seemed oblivious to the clear struggles. When using Securly, students create a pass for their destination and stop the pass once they return to their original location. The point of Securely is not only to keep track of where the students are, but also how long they are there. Today, however, something went awry. 

“I created the pass, and I had just reached the bathroom when two security guards came over to me, saying that I was in big trouble,” stated an anonymous student.  “Next thing  I know, I was being sent to Diskin’s because Securly said I was out for half an hour in the bathroom when in reality it was 30 seconds.”

A survey was posted on the Falcon Press Instagram account, and over 100 students answered with the same statement: How the teachers weren’t noticing this left the whole student body bewildered. 

However, changing the length of time outside of the classroom wasn’t the only thing Securly seemed to be tormenting students over.. Another student has informed us that Securely seems to have had some hand in changing their grades on PowerSchool. 

“I had an A when I left chem, but when I came back after three minutes, my grade had dropped three letter grades to a D,” said another student who feared being named. “I double checked and none of my class work grades had changed, just the overall grade.” 

The Falcon Press decided to publish another survey about this issue, and apparently, many students have also had this same devastating problem. While this has been reported to the administration, the students are still facing the consequences. Low grades mean time at Falcon Academy, and seemingly missing class time shown on the pass indicates detention or worse.

Some speculate it’s taken over because of thirsting for revenge over all those passes that went over 10 minutes, while others believe this is the beginning of the age of the machines. Whatever the case, Securly has taken control over every student’s life at Fitch, making our school not so secure after all.

This article is a work of satire. But seriously, 10 minutes in the restroom is a bit much.