GROTON, Conn – A group of students at Fitch High School have been nominated for the Nobel Prize in Physiology after many developed new methods of communication, such as telepathy, that were previously thought impossible by the scientific community in the aftermath of the cell phone ban.

After the controversial cell phone ban was enacted earlier this year, students created innovative, albeit inconvenient methods to still talk to each other without phones. At first, students simply used sticky notes to talk to each other and passed them along to their friends. Teachers, however, quickly caught up and students had to go back to the drawing board to figure out how to circumvent the rules.

Students then used cans attached with strings as makeshift “phones,” which got caught because they were obvious. At this point, they realized their rule-bending had to be discrete.

This is how the idea of “Bring a Carrier Pigeon to School Day” came along. Organized by the Class of 2025, “BaCPtS” day, encouraged students to guess what…bring a carrier pigeon to school. The innocent enough premise of this idea was quickly revealed to be a trick, however, when people used the carrier pigeons to carry messages across the school in lieu of there being no phones. Things deteriorated during the third lunch wave when a pigeon from outside in the hallway came in, and seemingly hundreds of pigeons came out of people’s backpackers and pockets.

Following this, carrier pigeons were also banned. There was talk of pouches for the pigeons, but the administration quickly realized this would be inhumane. This was when a group of students decided to be totally discrete and worked together to train each other in telepathy. By creating a proprietary technology that we aren’t sure is entirely ethical, wavelengths from someone else’s head could be directly communicated to other people, basically making it so everyone could read each other’s minds.

“Isn’t this an invasion of privacy?” Thought an anonymous student to themselves. “Like, what if someone is reading my mind right now?” 

People had been so busy working on this technology that they didn’t realize that the cell phone ban had been more or less unenforced for most of the school year.

Despite this, many key investors including Microsoft and world governments have been eyeing up the technology and the Nobel Prize Committee nominated the students who invented the ability.

“It’s like… huge,” exclaimed President Trump from the comfort of his Tesla parked on the White House lawn. “Like, the most talented young professionals we’ve ever seen are working on this huge, beautiful project called telepathy. We call it beautiful, folks. That’s what we call it. The United States is investing HISTORIC amounts of funds to this big new shiny project. Wow. Just like. Wow.”

Investors and the U.S. government are looking to make this project gain more traction and plan a public release of the private tech.

“I always wanted for people to see inside my head! People don’t hear ENOUGH from me!” reacted rapper Kanye West to this news.

After West’s reaction, the school’s administration is now strongly considering repealing the cell phone ban altogether.

The telepathy technology will be publicly released today, April 1.

This article is a work of satire, and does not presume that the students have thoughts of any sort, let alone telepathic ones.